Photo essay [1]

Since I was very young, I often took public transportation to go somewhere. When I was about five, the most intimate public transportation to me was subway. Although most of the subway in Korea passes under the ground, some of the old station in Seoul was up on the ground; I especially liked the sunset glow through the translucent dark green color ceiling of the empty shabby station. Unlike the peaceful station, most of the time I took subway was to meet my grandfather who lived in the hospital room. Before he came to live in the hospital room, he was member of board of directors in Industrial Bank of Korea. According to my mom and grandmother, my grandfather worked harder than any other workers in Industrial Bank of Korea. He started from minor clerk and eventually became one of the chairmen. My grandfather was my hero and was my model. Way going to visit my grandfather in this regard was exciting, but at the same time, was blue. I don’t know how to explain my feeling at that time seeing the sunset glow, but the mixture of deep colors of sunset was my feeling.

When he passed away, it was already about six years have been passed since I was five; I still clearly remember at that time. It was about seven, eight o’clock. I was on my mother’s car and was heading to music academy in The Art Center located in Seoul for my violin lesson. When we turned left after passing gateway of my apartment, my mother’s phone rang; my mother only heard what the caller said for a while and baffled after the phone call. She stopped the car for a second beside the oil station and told me about what she has heard. I cried out loud more than ever, but ironically, didn’t really know why I was crying. I was just crying and so was my mother.

After then, I think that was when I started to think about the death and started to love thinking alone. Before, I just did what others asked me to do. Although it was something that I didn’t like to do, I adapted myself to the situation and tried to enjoy what I was doing. But after my grandfather’s death, I slowly but surely became myself. This was the biggest shift in my life.